It starts innocently enough.
Your best friend needs help picking a rug. Your cousin bought a house and wants to “run a few ideas by you.” Your sister-in-law thinks it would be “so fun” to redo her guest room together.
And before you know it, you’re knee-deep in hours of unpaid work, emotionally entangled in revisions, and eating into your billable time, without sending a single invoice.
A designer in our community recently shared this:
“I want to help my sister. But I also run a business. I’m spending hours sourcing and managing vendors, and I’m afraid I’m about to burn out… or blow up.”
The tension is real. How do you price your services when personal relationships are involved? Can you even say no without damaging the relationship?
We asked the Interior Design Community, and hundreds of designers responded with the hard-won wisdom that only comes from experience (and maybe one too many unpaid “favors”).
The Emotional Tax of Unpaid Design Work
Let’s be honest: it’s not just the money. It’s the emotional weight.
You care more. You’re less likely to set boundaries. You want to be generous, but the work still costs you time, energy, and mental space.
“I did a full living room design for my cousin. I didn’t charge her anything. She ended up returning most of the items, blamed me for the vibe being off, and then asked if I could do a moodboard for her bedroom next. I was done.”
It’s not always malicious. But when there’s no explicit agreement, it opens the door to disappointment and burnout.
Why Charging Matters
You run a business. Design isn’t your hobby. And whether you’re just starting or have ten years in, your time has value even to people who love you.
“Doing it for free devalues not just your business, but your boundaries.”
Charging friends and family isn’t about being cold or transactional. It’s about setting expectations so no one feels taken advantage of.
And here’s the kicker: most people want to pay you. They just need you to show them how.
Four Smart Ways Designers Handle This (Without Losing the Relationship)
1. Offer a Friends & Family Flat Fee
This is the most common (and least awkward) strategy.
“I offer a very specific ‘friends and family’ design consult. Flat fee. One room. One revision. That’s it.”
By limiting the scope and setting the price up front, you give them clarity and give yourself boundaries. No weird invoices. No guilt.
Pro tip: Add a contract or terms doc even for family. It signals professionalism and protects the relationship.
2. Discount the Final Invoice but Start at Full Rate
Some designers bill at their full rate, then offer a discount at the end as a gesture of goodwill.
“I charge them full price and then offer a small discount or gift at the end. Keeps it professional.”
This way, you’re not undercharging from the beginning and have room to adjust if the project stays on track.
Bonus: The client sees the real value of your work and understands what it would’ve cost.
3. Draw the Line at Advice, Not Execution
A lot of designers have a “coffee rule.” They’ll chat, offer ideas, and maybe point them toward resources, but they won’t create complete design plans or manage installs.
“I’ll give advice, maybe help pick paint or a sofa, but I don’t manage trades or logistics. That’s where it goes off the rails.”
This keeps the relationship light and avoids the mess of unpaid project management.
4. Treat Them Like a Full Client with a Contract
This might feel formal, but it’s what protects both of you.
“The fastest way to wreck a relationship is to do work with no boundaries. I send the same agreement I send everyone, even if the rate is reduced.”
Your friends know you as the person who comes to dinner or walks their dog. They might not realize how detailed and intense your work is. A contract lays it all out so there are no assumptions and no resentment.
What to Say (Without Feeling Weird)
If they expect it to be free:
“I’d love to help! I have a special friends and family package, it’s $____ and includes everything you need without dragging us both into full-blown project mode.”
If they ask for a ‘quick favor’:
“I can give you a few ideas over coffee, but if you want full selections or help managing vendors, I’ll need to treat it like a real project.”
If they’re expecting the works:
“Since this is a full-service project, I’d want to give it the time and detail it deserves. I can send over a scope and fee proposal to get us started.”
You don’t have to apologize. Just explain. Most people will respect your clarity, and those who don’t probably wouldn’t respect your time anyway.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
1. Being too casual about the scope
Without a contract or explicit agreement, you’re vulnerable to scope creep even if it’s accidental.
2. Trying to be “nice” by not charging
You’ll feel it later in your energy, time, or bank account.
3. Not setting a timeline.
If it drags on forever, it’ll eat into real client time. Put boundaries around when it starts and ends.
4. Mixing money with holidays or birthdays
Avoid gifting design services unless you’re very clear about what’s included. “Design time” isn’t the same as a bottle of wine.
When It Goes Off the Rails
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, the project gets messy.
They’re unresponsive. They push back on your ideas. They ghost you for weeks and then ask for five moodboard revisions.
Here’s what you can do:
Pause and reset
“I want to make sure we’re both on the same page. do you still want to move forward with this design plan? If not, totally fine, but I’d love to free up the time for my other projects.”
Redirect with grace
“It feels like the timing might not be ideal right now. Let’s pause, and if you want to revisit in a few months, we can start fresh.”
Exit if needed
“I’ve enjoyed helping you with the first phase. I think we should wrap up here to avoid any tension or miscommunication.”
You can walk away, especially if it drains you emotionally or professionally.
Protecting the Relationship (And Your Sanity)
Sometimes the best way to show love is not to work together.
Plenty of designers say they no longer take on family projects at all.
“It’s not worth it. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, not be stressed that they ignored my design plan and asked for ten new links the night before.”
And that’s valid.
Just like you wouldn’t expect your friend who’s a lawyer to draft your contract for free, or your cousin who’s a doctor to give you unlimited free medical care, you shouldn’t be expected to give away your time.
When friends and family respect your business, they’ll respect your boundaries.
How to Know If You Should Say Yes
Before taking on the project, ask yourself:
- Will I feel excited about this or resentful?
- Is this person generally respectful of my time and skills?
- Am I clear on what I’m charging, and have I said it out loud?
- Do I have the time and bandwidth to do this well without sacrificing paying work?
If the answers don’t point to a clear yes, that’s your cue to pause.